Stress is an insidious problem. It can plague everybody, but we moms know that we often find ourselves carrying the entire family’s stress load. We wear many hats in our homes and in our lives, with each of those hats comes a variety of stressors and rewards. We can never forget the rewards- being a mom is very rewarding. Remembering the rewarding aspects is often a first step in coping with the stress.
Stress is such a normal day to day part of life it becomes something we live with, as a result we stop noticing when our stress levels are increasing. When we have a period of reduced stress because we feel more relaxed and happier. We feel like we have our life in balance and things are under control. When the tides turn and the stress is mounting it is often incremental and it is often difficult to see when it is beginning to impact us and our loved ones.
One of the great myths about stress is that major stressors are the ones to worry about not the little stressors. There are well known life stressors such as sudden employment, divorce, death of a loved one, etc. These are big stressors and indeed they carry a lot of weight but I look at stress like a balancing scale. A lot of little stressors may each weigh less but they can add up to a lot when there are many. When it comes to stress everything counts the broken washing machine, your boss giving your coworker the credit for your work, the regret you feel about purchasing that last pair of shoes, your budget, the fight you had with your sister. It all counts and it all adds up. The other thing about little stressors are that you often feel very alone in your stress. The big life stressors are things that you talk to people about and people offer to help you manage. They are given more credit in the eyes of others which is validating and elicits support from your community of friends and family.
While the cumulative weight of the stress an individual is experiencing is a factor, so is duration. As stress persists it becomes more wearing. Additional little stressors that come along feel that much greater. It is like picking up a 10 pound weight and holding it out from your body. At first it may not seem that bad, downright easy even. As time goes on however that weight starts to feel heavier and at some point if an additional 5 pounds is added you will drop all 15.
When the stress we are experiencing comes in bits and pieces a bunch of smaller stresses or when they just hang around weighing on us for too long we often do not notice the toll it is having on us. When this happens it becomes a problem for our bodies, minds, and relationships. The human body is well equipped to handle short bursts of stress. Our fight or flight response kicks in and helps us to become alert, focused, and driven. When that stress wears on it begins to wear down our body and take tolls on us physically and emotionally.
How do we see the weight of stress sneaking up on us? You just might be more stressed out than you are letting yourself accept that you are.
12 Signs Of Stress That You Might Be Missing
- Bad Dreams. This one would seem obvious but sometimes the dreams are only loosely related to what is causing the stress. For example when I was in college I had a bout of bad dreams that all had to do with time. It took me a while to realize that my dreams about not getting somewhere in time to save someone were really all dreams about time management. They were all related to my experience of stress about how much time I needed to spend on school work.
- Remembering Dreams. If you are a person who seldom remembers a dream more than an occasional fuzzy memory, but you are suddenly remembering dreams every night that is a sign. It means that during the night you are sleeping lighter and less restfully. At that point your mind is too stressed to relax into the deeper more restorative levels of sleep for long enough periods. Instead you are coming up into lighter phases of sleep. This is very bad because it exacerbates the stress experience. You are getting less rest and the rest you get is not the kind that helps your brain file away and process what it needs to process. It is the equivalent of showing up to your next meal super hungry with a dirty plate.
- Hunger. Speaking of hungry it can be a really good indicator of stress if you start to notice yourself being inexplicably hungry. That moment when you are like, hey I ate lunch but I am hungry. It may only be indicating that your lunch was not very satisfying, true. However, if it becomes a trend and you know you ate plenty of food then it means something else. Periods of stress start to drive our body to create stress hormones that tell us to fuel our bodies for fight or flight. As this wears on your body just wants more resources for an emergency that seems unending.
- Forgetfulness. Being a mom is super stressful right…and mommybrain is a thing right. There are times I would forget my head if it were not screwed on and don’t even ask me where the car keys are. Too much stress, too many details, too many things to remember and stay on top of the result is forgetting all the other little stuff. There have been moments when I have sat and pondered whether perhaps I was experiencing early Alzheimers- no seriously. Maybe you have too. When I sit and think about all the stuff I am trying to remember and get handled at any moment in time the picture becomes a bit clearer.
- Annoyed by Distractions. Do you usually enjoy having the radio on while you work but suddenly cannot stand the grating noise in the background. With stress comes a greater need to focus in on what you are doing. The result can be annoyance about even mild distractions. When your mental resources are worn down and concentration is impaired even pleasurable distractions can become too much. If you notice yourself switching off the music to concentrate that may be a sign.
- Impatience. When even the 2 person line at the grocery store has you rolling your eyes and heaving a sigh of frustration. When your child is struggling with the 3rd similar math problem in a row and find yourself taking a tone. Well, it could mean you are all menstrual but it could mean that there is a lot more going on behind the scenes. Mental wear and tear leaves little wiggle room for dealing with the day to day inconveniences.
- Anger. Hello RAGE. Outbursts that you would much prefer to not think of as being a part of who you are. Maybe under more favorable circumstances you would never yell like that…or maybe you would but not so often. If you find yourself wondering where the anger came from or why you have been so angry lately maybe it is time to consider your cumulative stress load. Your loved ones will thank you.
- Avoidance. Avoiding friends in favor of a moment of peace. Avoiding calls to limit distractions or annoyances. You might realize you are being less social. You might realize that answering that call might actually get something off of your to do list, but still no. What else might you be avoiding? The gym, the assignment, the big project.
- Loss of Interest in Sex. If you suddenly realize your libido is in the dumps or that when you are having sex it is unsatisfying the answer may not have anything to do with your partner or relationship. When the mind and body have been under increased stress some less critical functions have been placed on the back burner. If you find yourself wondering why you haven’t wanted to be intimate or have not been enjoying yourself maybe your stress load is higher than you think.
- Sore muscles. Stiff neck sore back. Muscle tension is increased by stress. Your muscles may not be fully relaxing in your sleep. Worse some of them may be clenching up like your jaw. That stiff neck may be more than having slept wrong, and it might be a sign of something less physical but very damaging.
- Headaches. If you begin having more frequent headaches. Usually nagging dull diffuse headaches often accompanied by a sore tense neck area. Sometimes described as a squeezing feeling like a band around the head. When Advil is becoming part of the daily routine it is a good indicator that there is too much stress.
- Insomnia. We talked about bad dreams and fitful sleep but a more obvious indicator of stress is outright insomnia. This can be difficulty going to sleep or waking up in the middle of the night with racing thoughts and an inability to go back to sleep.
Shannon
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